Hilarious short quotes

Hilarious short quotes

Joan Rivers
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

Benny Hill
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Mark Twain
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

Jerry Seinfield
Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

Jeff Foxworthy
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Voltaire
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

Ellen DeGeneres
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Willard Scott
Bryant Gumbel's ego has applied for statehood. And if it's accepted, it will be the fifth-largest.

Hugh Leonard
There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

Robert Bloch
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.